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Transitioning traditions this Christmas

Christmas can be an exciting yet often stressful time for all involved. There’s lots to think about and plenty of planning required, but most families tend to share the load; one person might cook a potato bake while someone else brings dessert. As time goes on though, older family members may no longer be able to assist in Christmas traditions in the same way that they used to, despite wanting to. It can be a challenge to support elderly relatives in stepping back from having a hands on role, but it doesn’t need to be.

With a bit of planning and forward thinking, helping an elderly relative to transition away from the role that they have traditionally held in family gatherings can be less daunting – here are a few things to consider.

Offer to cook or host

Get in early in the planning and offer to cook or host family Christmas – approach this with excitement and enthusiasm. A positive, proactive approach may help your elderly relatives to feel more comfortable in handing over the traditional hosting reins.

Don’t focus on the way things used to be

While it is always fun to share memories of holidays past, avoid outwardly yearning for things to be ‘like they were before’ places pressure on the present and can damage your ability to successfully create new festive traditions.  Instead, be sure to spend your invaluable time together, sharing specific funny or heart-warming moments from the previous years while buzzing with excitement for the new experience coming up.

Create new traditions

If your elderly relative used to contribute a meal that they are no longer able to cook, provide them with a new task that is within their capability and can become a tradition they are able to continue to hold. It may be as simple as being the distributor of gifts from under the tree, or the one who gets to choose the first Christmas bonbon. Whatever role you transition them to, let them know that this is a role for them, which they have been chosen for, that will be theirs for the years going forward.

Plan to accommodate all family members

Moving the Christmas celebrations to a new location can help to transition the responsibility of planning from an elderly relative, however when doing this it is important to ensure the new location accommodates them. Consider how all family members will get to the new location – does someone need to offer to drive a relative? Consider if the space is accessible and ensure that there is comfortable seating arrangements available for all attendees.

Plan and anticipate conversations

Christmas is often the only time when the whole family is together which can mean that it’s a useful time to raise tricky issues with older family members. You have a support system around for all parties involved, allowing you to feel confident in tackling challenging conversations, such as a change in lifestyle or activity. These chats can seem daunting but with a bit of forward planning, they don’t need to be. Spend some time thinking about what it is that you is want to achieve and how you might do so in a manner that does not upset your relative. While the conversation may not stick to your exact plan, having a clear objective will help keep you on track, while taking some time prior to plan will help you remember to be empathetic and caring.

Keep in mind though that above all it is a good idea to avoid fights and tension; if the conversation veers of track and starts to become confrontational, it may be best to focus on creating new traditions and abandon the topic until a later time.

Use the time to observe

As the whole family is together, it can be a good time to keep an eye out for any potential health concerns or under lying issues that relatives may be covering up. Malnutrition is a common concern in older people but can easily be recognised and treated. Read up on the signs of Malnutrition here and consider what other issues you may need to be aware of in order to bring these to attention with your family members.

Finally, don’t forget that Christmas is a time for family, and appreciating those around you. Make sure that you leave time and space for yourself and relatives to do just that. Don’t press an issue if you feel that it will cause unnecessary conflict, especially if there is no need for urgency.

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